Clogs

So I paid the boy to snake my drain and I am not ashamed. Allow me to elaborate.

Upon realizing that my actions to clear the drain were sad little exercises in futility, I summoned one of the Last Minute OH-Shit Plumbers, they have names that begin with the letter "A", or a number, or sometimes both, their claims of salvation floating to the top of the yellow pages.
This particular outfit was called We Hope You Have A Credit Card. Seriously, they were called Supernaturally Speedy Rooter and they were all that their name implied. I didn't even have to place a phone call, I merely rested my gaze upon their ad and then was startled by a knock at my door, here they were! Ready to snake me!

They sent a 12-year-old, his name was probably Justin, or possibly Jason, and he looked like he might start shaving next week. He was polite to a fault right up to and after the point at which he quietly notified me of his fee, I think it was disguised in the middle of a cough, "ahemtwohundreddollarsahem".

Jaime cleared my drain with his Industrial Powered Man-Snake in exactly 13 seconds, but I'd like to believe that he dallied in the bathroom for and additional 10 minutes so that I would feel like I got my money's worth-- I think that's $20 a minute...yes, I do a perceive a value, Jeremy! The boy then presented to me the "ick" that he had removed from my shower drain, as if to prove that his presence had indeed been essential. It was a clod of hair that resembled a drowned rat, and he did this with the smug pride of a predator kitty showing off an actual mangled rodent. I nodded approvingly, as I wanted Jonah to feel that he had done well, and since his mother and I were probably about the same age, I thought he might appreciate the encouragement. He then gave me a brief informative and yet in no way condescending speech about future drain maintenance, explained the warranty period and then, he cocked his head slightly as he received the telepathic plea of another totally screwed customer, and he was gone.

The drain was clear, extreme pleasure was relative! And the showering possessed a special quality of luxury as never before. This euphoria did not last long, as you shall see anon.

The next day, the kitchen sink sprayer hose done sprung a leak! No sooner did I replace the hose and sprayer than the clog again presented itself. This time in the upstairs tub, in which I had pro-actively attempted to clear the drowned rat, but clearly I was not fast enough on the draw. The tub would not drain!! But I am not such a female as can be undone by the adversity of a clog, with cat-like reflexes I wielded the plunger and within 10 minutes had cleared the drain. I thought, now! Now I am free and clear to brazenly run water in ANY of my household basins..but I was wrong!! Because the clog did not clear, it merely traveled!

Next it showed up in my kitchen sink...this was made evident when all the ick I had just chopped up in the garbage disposer blithely floated to the top of the stagnant water in the other side of the sink. Plunge!! Plunge!! This only sent the ick back to the other side of the sink, running the disposer sent it back again. Shit!!!

After 10 minutes of plunging for glory, plunging for the GOLD if you will, the drain cleared, the clog was gone. Noooooo...no, the clog was NOT gone, it had merely moved on the next unwitting basin, like an evil metastasis of hair, lime peels, cottage cheese and soap scum, it slunk like a dark beast to the next drain, descended, a greasy hair demon, into the depths..of the laundry tub below!

Now then, if my laundry schedule was a bit tighter I would likely have noticed immediately that the ick, the foul malignant shower tumor, had backed up into the laundry tub, having now added lint to its insidious composition. It was 4 days later and I did not notice the ick...I did however notice an odd smell, what could that be....OMG!!!!!! A sediment of pure, unadulterated gag! The laundry waited patiently in the washer as I, once again, plunged for all get-out. The clog, with a final departing cry of, "From Hell's heart I stab at theeeeee...." fled from the house to the city sewer. And although I cannot prove this, I did see it wink at me as exited....

It has been 2 weeks, all water flows in the proper direction, and all I had to do was to accost every orifice in my home with a plunger! My solace at this point is that the toilets gamely stayed out of the fray, they continue to whoosh away like champs.